Meeting a family law attorney for the first time often feels like a cross between a medical intake and a job interview. You are expected to tell your story accurately, supply documentation that proves it, and ask questions that help you choose the right professional. The better prepared you are, the more value you get from that first hour. Preparation is not about dumping every file you own on the lawyer’s desk, it is about curating what matters and organizing it so your attorney can grasp the issues quickly.
I have sat in consultations where preparation shaved months off https://hannahlawpc.com/contact/ a case timeline, and others where we lost half the meeting decoding vague recollections. The difference usually came down to five things: clarity about goals, a concise timeline, critical financial documents, any court orders or agreements already in play, and a snapshot of the children’s situation if kids are involved. Everything else supports those core items.
Start with your objective, not your story
Many people open with the whole history of the relationship. The intention is understandable, but a family law attorney needs the destination first. Are you seeking a divorce, a legal separation, a modification of an existing order, emergency relief for safety reasons, a parenting plan, enforcement of child support, or advice about relocation? If you say, “I want to finalize a divorce within six months, keep the house if possible, and set a predictable schedule for the kids,” the attorney can triage issues and ask targeted questions.
Write down your top three goals on a single page. Be specific and realistic. “I want to avoid court if we can” is more useful than “I want this over.” If you do not know your goals yet, say that too. A good lawyer can help you frame options, but naming uncertainty at the start avoids a detour.
A simple, dated timeline beats a long narrative
Family cases turn on events, dates, and documentation. An accurate timeline lets a lawyer map the issues to statutes and deadlines. Create a clean, one-page timeline with key dates: marriage, separation, moves, births or adoptions, major purchases, any police calls, protective orders, counseling, substance use treatment, school changes, and the date any petition was filed. It does not need flourish, it needs accuracy.
This one page often surfaces hidden legal issues. For example, if you moved states within the last six months, your attorney will flag the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act and advise on whether a local court even has authority to make custody orders. If a business started mid-marriage, the date helps define whether growth is community or separate property. The timeline is not evidence yet, but it steers the meeting toward what matters.
Identification and basic case details
Bring a government ID and any prior case numbers. Courts and lawyers will eventually need correct spellings and dates of birth for both parties and any children. If you have used different names, note that. If there is an existing case, even from years ago, the case number unlocks the file instantly for a family law attorney and can prevent redundant filings or conflicts.
Also bring contact information for the other party if you have it, particularly email and physical address. Service of process is a practical issue, not a technicality. If you do not know where they live, say so early so the attorney can discuss service by publication, private investigators, or alternative service options.
Existing orders, agreements, and open cases
Nothing wastes consultation time more than speculating about terms already on paper. If you have any of the following, print them and bring them, or have clean PDFs:
- Prior judgments, decrees, or parenting plans that address custody, visitation, child support, spousal support, or property division Domestic violence or civil protection orders, even if expired, including any continuances or dismissals
If you signed a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement, bring the full document and any amendments. The validity of those agreements often turns on execution details, like whether each party had independent counsel and whether financial disclosures were attached. I have seen cases pivot because a schedule of assets was missing from an otherwise solid prenup.
If there is a pending child welfare investigation or a juvenile court case, the family court usually needs to coordinate with it. Bring any letters from the agency, safety plans, and the names of social workers. Your lawyer will ask before contacting anyone, but even the existence of an open inquiry affects strategy.
The financial picture, trimmed to the essentials
Family law is as much about math as it is about relationships. Courts cannot calculate support or divide property without numbers. That said, dumping a decade of bank statements onto the conference table helps no one. Start with a recent snapshot, then a representative sample for historical context.
For income, bring your last two years of tax returns, last three months of pay stubs, and evidence of any non-wage income like rental receipts, dividends, or gig revenue. If you own a business, the last two years of business tax returns, a current profit and loss statement, and a balance sheet help a great deal. Those can be preliminary if year-end books are not closed.
For assets, list accounts with institution names and approximate balances: bank, retirement, brokerage, HSAs. Include the house, vehicles, and any valuable collections. For debts, list credit cards, lines of credit, student loans, medical bills, and any tax liabilities. If you have recent statements for each, even if redacted for account numbers, your family law attorney can start rough calculations.
Real property documents matter if the home is a central issue. Bring the deed if available, the most recent mortgage statement, and any HELOC information. If a down payment came from separate funds, bring proof such as older statements or a gift letter. Tracing separate funds is much easier when we see the source, the amount, and the path from deposit to purchase.
One practical note about disclosure: do not hide accounts. Lawyers cannot give sound advice if the picture is incomplete. If you are concerned about privacy or safety, raise that immediately so the attorney can suggest protective orders, confidential filings, or redactions consistent with local rules.
Documentation related to the children
When children are involved, the court’s focus is their best interests. Sliding across a binder of trophies rarely moves the needle, but practical documentation does. School calendars, report cards, attendance records, child care invoices, and therapy notes (if applicable) show schedules and needs. If a child has a diagnosis that affects care arrangements, bring the evaluation summary and the names of providers. You do not need the entire medical chart, a concise summary suffices for a consultation.
If there are disputes about parenting time, a simple calendar showing who had the children when, over the past few months, tells a clearer story than long texts. It is not unusual for memory to diverge. A calendar lowers the temperature and clarifies patterns, like who handles school mornings or how holidays have been split historically.
For relocation questions, bring proposed timelines, the destination address if known, and any job offer letters that explain why the move benefits the child. Courts want substance: school comparisons, extended family support, housing, and continuity plans for the other parent’s time.
Communications that will actually help
People often arrive with hundreds of messages, and it is tempting to hand them over wholesale. That usually bogs the meeting down. Curate five to ten examples that illustrate specific issues: harassment, refusal to exchange the children, threats to move, admissions about substance use, or agreements that were later broken. Screenshots with dates and phone numbers visible are better than copy-pasted text. If the platform matters, note whether messages came from SMS, WhatsApp, email, or a parenting app.
If communication is generally hostile, one or two representative threads will be enough for a lawyer to recommend tools such as approved parenting apps or communication provisions with tone rules. If communications are manageable, do not overemphasize isolated barbs.
Evidence of safety concerns
If you have called police, visited an emergency room, or obtained a protection order, bring the case numbers, incident reports, discharge summaries, and photographs with dates. Many clients worry that presenting this looks strategic rather than protective. The truth is more practical. Courts need timely, specific evidence to issue orders that reduce risk. If alcohol or drugs are in play, bring receipts for testing, rehab attendance logs, or witness letters from counselors. Your family law attorney can advise on whether to request monitored exchanges, temporary restrictions, or testing provisions, and will weigh the downside of overreaching requests.
If safety concerns revolve around mental health, bring documentation like a recent diagnosis or treatment plan when you have it. That does not become an attack on the other parent; it helps craft parenting time that aligns with wellness needs, such as avoiding overnights during a medication transition period or specifying make-up time after treatment.
Insurance and benefits
Health, dental, and vision insurance details influence child support calculations and parenting plans. Bring cards, plan summaries, and payroll deductions that show premium costs for employee-only versus family coverage. If you or the other party carry life insurance, bring policy statements and beneficiary designations. Courts sometimes require life insurance to secure support obligations, and your lawyer needs to know whether an appropriate policy exists.
If either of you has pensions or restricted stock units, bring the plan names and latest statements. Dividing these assets often requires specialized orders like QDROs. Identifying them early avoids last-minute surprises.
Taxes and the practicalities of filing
Tax issues surface in almost every case. Who claims the children, how dependency exemptions trade off with child-related credits, whether head of household status applies, and the timing of any refund or liability can change settlement dynamics. Bring your last two returns and any notices from tax authorities. If a refund was received this year, note whether it was split.
If a small business is involved, flag deductions that overlap with family life, such as a home office, vehicle, or cell phone. It is common for a spouse to suspect hidden income when what they see are aggressive deductions. A family law attorney can tell you what courts usually do with those items and whether to hire a forensic accountant.
How much to bring and how to organize it
There is a sweet spot between minimalism and overload. For most initial consultations, one slim folder or a single well-organized PDF bundle is enough to equip your attorney with a working picture. Use a simple structure: ID and contact info on top, timeline and goals next, orders and agreements, income proof, assets and debts, children’s documents, and curated communications. Label PDFs clearly with dates and subjects. If you use a cloud link, make sure permissions are set so the lawyer can open it.
Paper versus digital depends on the firm. Many family law attorneys prefer digital because it drops into case management systems and discovery tools. If you bring paper, consider tabbed sections and no plastic sleeves, which slow scanning. Accuracy beats volume every time. If a document is missing but you know where to get it, tell the lawyer. They can build a plan around obtaining payroll records, subpoenas for bank statements, or school records with the right authorization.
What you can safely leave at home
You do not need every photograph from the early years of your marriage, every greeting card ever exchanged, or speculative printouts from internet forums. Unless the dispute centers on a very specific physical item like a ring or firearm, photos often distract more than they help in a first meeting. Receipts for grocery shopping from three years ago belong in a later phase, if at all.
Character letters are rarely useful at the consultation stage. Courts care more about neutral records than glowing testimonials from friends. Save those for a time when your lawyer requests them, usually with guidelines on substance and length.
Questions to ask the attorney
Good consultations are not one-way interviews. Bring your questions. You want to know how the lawyer approaches resolution, what they need from you in the first 30 days, and how they manage costs. Ask who will do the day-to-day work, how quickly they respond to emails, and what they see as the likely range of outcomes given your facts. Invite them to point out blind spots. If they cannot explain their approach in plain language, take note.
If safety or privacy is a concern, ask about protective orders for sensitive information, whether to change passwords now, and how to handle shared devices. If finances are your concern, ask for a candid estimate in phases. For example, negotiation and temporary orders may cost one range, formal discovery another, and trial something else. A family law attorney who gives a single number without explaining variables might be guessing.
The emotional piece and why it matters to preparation
Family cases are personal. There is no way around the grief, anger, or fear that surfaces during a consultation. You do not need to suppress your feelings. Instead, plan for them. Jot notes in advance so emotion does not erase important points. If you are anxious about seeing documents that trigger you, tell the lawyer and pace the review. Some firms will split consultations into two shorter meetings if that helps you process.
Why does this matter for preparation? Because emotional bandwidth is finite. A tidy packet of essentials frees you to listen and ask questions. It also signals to the attorney that you are organized, which can affect strategy. For instance, a lawyer is more comfortable recommending negotiation if they trust you can pull documents quickly and meet deadlines, making the process smoother and cheaper.
If the other party has an attorney already
Bring the attorney’s name and contact details and any correspondence you have received. Do not respond substantively before your consultation if you can avoid it, especially to settlement proposals or discovery requests. There are response deadlines that matter, but a day or two to meet a lawyer is usually fine. If you have already signed something, bring it. Your family law attorney will assess whether there is a path to modify or withdraw it, which depends on timing and local rules.
Special circumstances that change the packing list
Not every case fits the standard mold. If you are in a same-sex marriage and used assisted reproduction, bring donor or surrogacy agreements and any parentage orders. If you or your spouse are non-citizens, immigration status can influence spousal support and settlement timing, so bring visas, green cards, or naturalization documents. If military service is in play, bring LES statements, BAH details, and orders, which affect pay calculations and parenting schedules.
If there is significant intellectual property, bring registration certificates or contracts. If crypto assets exist, bring exchange statements and wallet addresses you actually control. If there is domestic violence with technology stalking concerns, avoid bringing an active device that could be compromised. Use a safe device for the consultation if possible and ask about digital safety steps like password changes and two-factor authentication.
The role of honesty, even when it hurts your case
Every family lawyer has had a client who waited months to disclose a cash account, an affair, a DUI, or a relapse. The delay always makes the fallout worse. If there is something that will surface, raise it early. Lawyers are not there to judge you. They are there to build a strategy that anticipates the other side’s moves. Surprises erode leverage. Early disclosure lets your attorney propose solutions, like preemptive treatment plans, stipulations to avoid a contested hearing, or protective wording in a settlement.
If you made a mistake in a filing or an exaggerated claim to police, say so. There are legal and ethical ways to correct the record or mitigate the effect. Pretending it did not happen turns a fixable issue into a credibility problem.
A short, practical checklist for the day of the meeting
- Government ID, prior case numbers, and contact info for both parties One-page goals and one-page timeline with dates Existing orders, agreements, and any open case documents Recent income proof, a simple asset and debt list, and key property statements Children’s school or care documents and a brief parenting time calendar
This list is not exhaustive, it is the core kit. If you cannot gather all of it, come anyway. A decent consultation can turn on two documents and a clear explanation.
Cost, retainers, and value for preparation
Most family law offices apply the consultation fee to a retainer if you decide to hire them. Ask about that. Bringing organized materials often reduces the initial retainer because the attorney can skip a round of document chases. It also helps them assign work to the right level of staff. A senior attorney does not need to spend an hour sorting bank statements if a paralegal can do it. That division of labor saves you money.
Costs are not only about hourly rates, they are about efficiency. If you supply accurate numbers early, your lawyer can propose temporary orders that stabilize finances and reduce conflict. That alone can trim weeks off a case timeline. Preparation, in other words, is not extra credit. It is leverage.
What happens if you are not ready
You might be reading this the night before a consultation with no printer and a chaotic inbox. Do not cancel. Bring what you can, email what you cannot, and be candid about gaps. A seasoned family law attorney can still map the path forward, identify immediate risks, and give you a document request tailored to your case. Often the first two or three items on that list will unlock the rest.
If a deadline is looming, such as a hearing next week, your lawyer may prioritize emergency filings and safety planning over a perfect financial picture. Preparation is a spectrum, not a gatekeeper. The point is to start with intention and fill in the details.
Final thoughts from the trenches
The best consultations feel focused, respectful, and productive. You leave with a sense of the road ahead and the first steps to take. That experience rarely happens by accident. It comes from thinking like a partner in your own case: define your goals, assemble the essentials, and resist the urge to press every grievance onto the table. Your lawyer can only drive strategy if they can see the map.
A family law attorney handles people at their most strained moments. When you show up with clarity and clean documentation, you not only help your case, you make it easier for your attorney to do their best work. Bring less, but bring the right things. Tell the truth, even when it stings. Ask questions that test fit, not just expertise. Do those simple things, and that first hour becomes the foundation for a plan that protects your children, respects your finances, and gets you to resolution with fewer wrong turns.